feelings

I used the word “feel” a couple times and it was pounced on like a fumbled football. And yet I kept asking myself “why do these people have a problem with feelings or the concept of feelings?”

Feelings are, essentially, thoughts. They don’t come from the heart, they come from the brain. Both thoughts and feeling are chemical and electrical functions of the brain. It’s true they are different, but one is not a lie while the other is true. The reality is, neither is trustworthy without verification and consideration.

The distinction, however, that feelings are lesser trustworthy experiences is a false dichotomy. Certainly you can’t do math with feelings, but you can’t love with math. Is math an invention of God while love a worldly experience? Did God create your mind to be a calculator and Satan stuck some feelings into the mix?

The Bible itself includes a large amount of art and history and comparably few rational essays, so the evangelical tendency to dismiss “feelings” is confusing.

- Donald Miller (from this post)

I want you. I want your sleepy confused look when you wake up. I want to be the warmth that fills the space in your bed. I want to be the sheets your fingers crave at night; the blanket that wraps around you all night. I want to drink tea with you, share some records we find. I want to talk about everything in the world newspapers. I want to discuss with you, to be stubborn and quick-witted with you. I want to have differences between us. I want your flaws. All of them. I want go into the deepest corners of your mind and never get bored of you. I want to be surprised by the new all the time. I want to look at you like a movie, a living piece of art; always trying to chase what you crave … and capture you.

- Elay Neal Moses

A biblical understanding of the Christian life is not "let go and let God," it’s "trust God and get going."

- Tullian Tchividjian

Believing in God is as much like falling in love as it is making a decision.  Love is both something that happens to you and something you decide upon.

- Donald Miller

Oh, the comfort — the inexpressible comfort of feeling safe with a person — having neither to weigh thoughts nor measure words, but pouring them all right out, just as they are, chaff and grain together; certain that a faithful hand will take and sift them, keep what is worth keeping, and then with the breath of kindness blow the rest away.

- Dinah Maria Mulock Craik, A Life for a Life

games :]

David Sirlin has helped me to better understand a little more about what it is that I enjoy so much about playing games with other people.

Competitive games are a means of expression as well. Players seem to have trouble approaching a game differently than they approach life in general. The way they take in information, the way they make decisions, the aspects they value, and the skills they excel at are usually similar inside and outside of the game. In fact, many people, myself included, have come to understand a lot more about who they really are through the way they end up expressing themselves in games. There are many forms of expression in the world, but one of the advantages of competitive games is that they force you to test your worldview against the worldviews of others. It’s easy to develop highly unpopular theories about life in general that you have no real way of testing, but competitive games force you to jump in, get dirty, and see how those ideas really stack up. If you are an unconventional genius, you will prove so beyond all doubt. If you are a confused quack, that too will be borne out, and you will have the opportunity to learn from others and change your ways.

"Final Thoughts" from http://www.sirlin.net/ptw/

His Playing To Win book (free on his site!) is highly recommended reading if you play any kind of games at all.

the birth of lawlkward

6/7/10
Tiffany Chen: and yes t prettyman is awesome
Preston Chang: yes yes :}
Tiffany Chen: weird face
Preston Chang: what do you think of it?
Tiffany Chen: about the face?
Tiffany Chen: idk how you'd smile liek that haha
Preston Chang: hahah
Preston Chang: yeah
Preston Chang: maybe that's why i like it
Preston Chang: :>
Tiffany Chen: AWKARD
Preston Chang: ^ LOL now THAT'S awkward
Tiffany Chen: AKWARD
Tiffany Chen: AWWKARD
Tiffany Chen: AKWWARD
Preston Chang: HAHA
Tiffany Chen: AKARD
Tiffany Chen: WAWKARD
Preston Chang: way awkward
Preston Chang: wawkward
Tiffany Chen: wawkward
Tiffany Chen: lawl
Preston Chang: lawlkward
Preston Chang: hahahh
Preston Chang: that is genius
Tiffany Chen: HAHAHAHAHAH
Tiffany Chen: I LIKE IT
Preston Chang: PERFECT
Tiffany Chen: HAHAHAHA
Preston Chang: an actual useful new word
Preston Chang: for funny awkward situations
Preston Chang: not JUST awkward
Preston Chang: but FUNNY
Preston Chang: LAWLKWARD
Tiffany Chen: HAHAHAHAHHA
Tiffany Chen: I REALLY LIKE IT
Tiffany Chen: genius

all too familiar ..

(11:21:43 PM) Eric Chen: yo
(11:21:45 PM) Eric Chen: questino
(11:21:54 PM) Preston Chang: sups
(11:22:03 PM) Eric Chen: say you were walking to class
(11:22:12 PM) Eric Chen: and in the distance
(11:22:16 PM) Eric Chen: you saw someone you know
(11:22:23 PM) Eric Chen: walking towards you
(11:22:29 PM) Preston Chang: you didn't ask me this already?
(11:22:31 PM) Preston Chang: but keep going
(11:22:32 PM) Eric Chen: when do you say hi/wave?
(11:22:43 PM) Eric Chen: cause if you do it when ur really far away
(11:22:45 PM) Preston Chang: LOL
(11:22:46 PM) Eric Chen: what would you do
(11:22:53 PM) Eric Chen: when they were like right in front?
(11:22:53 PM) Preston Chang: WOW!
(11:22:56 PM) Preston Chang: i always have that dilemma too!
(11:22:56 PM) Eric Chen: do you say hi again?
(11:23:04 PM) Eric Chen: dude i'm freakin distraught
(11:23:07 PM) Preston Chang: alrihgt
(11:23:10 PM) Preston Chang: here's how you do it
(11:23:28 PM) Preston Chang: 1) you see them from far away
(11:23:41 PM) Preston Chang: if they don't see you yet
(11:23:45 PM) Preston Chang: avoid eye contact
(11:23:47 PM) Preston Chang: until you're closer
(11:23:50 PM) Preston Chang: and then pretend you just saw them
(11:23:54 PM) Eric Chen: OMG
(11:23:55 PM) Preston Chang: and be like, oh HEY!
(11:23:56 PM) Eric Chen: thats what i do
(11:23:59 PM) Preston Chang: SCORE
(11:24:04 PM) Preston Chang: if they see you too while you're still far away
(11:24:08 PM) Preston Chang: say hi
(11:24:09 PM) Preston Chang: and wave
(11:24:16 PM) Preston Chang: (because it'd be awkward now to in this case)
(11:24:16 PM) Eric Chen: yes of course
(11:24:20 PM) Preston Chang: and then make small talk when you get closer
(11:24:24 PM) Preston Chang: if you actually WANT to talk
(11:24:27 PM) Preston Chang: slow down or stop
(11:24:30 PM) Eric Chen: omg so much pressure
(11:24:30 PM) Preston Chang: otherwise keep walking
(11:24:34 PM) Eric Chen: thinking of small talk
(11:24:35 PM) Preston Chang: kind of "on an agenda" feeling
(11:24:35 PM) Eric Chen: topics
(11:24:40 PM) Preston Chang: not really
(11:24:41 PM) Preston Chang: go with easy ones
(11:24:45 PM) Eric Chen: like how are you
(11:24:47 PM) Preston Chang: where you going
(11:24:48 PM) Preston Chang: what class
(11:24:52 PM) Preston Chang: and they'll usually ask the same
(11:24:56 PM) Eric Chen: true
(11:24:58 PM) Preston Chang: and that's it!
(11:25:08 PM) Eric Chen: do you know what i did once?
(11:25:15 PM) Preston Chang: and if you keep walking then by then you won't even have time to talk about all that
(11:25:16 PM) Preston Chang: what?
(11:25:32 PM) Eric Chen: i said hi twice once
(11:25:34 PM) Eric Chen: it was hialr
(11:25:46 PM) Eric Chen: to someone
(11:25:48 PM) Preston Chang: YOU WOULD
(11:25:50 PM) Eric Chen: got mee
(11:25:57 PM) Eric Chen: this was freshman year
(11:26:12 PM) Preston Chang: how awkward was it, on a scale of 1-10?
(11:26:17 PM) Eric Chen: 7
(11:26:20 PM) Preston Chang: 10 being "oh my gosh i want to run away" awkward
(11:26:41 PM) Eric Chen: LOL
(11:26:43 PM) Eric Chen: oh yeah
(11:26:47 PM) Eric Chen: i found out who the girl was
(11:26:50 PM) Eric Chen: that i saw on the bus
(11:26:57 PM) Eric Chen: but didin't know if she knew me
(11:27:02 PM) Eric Chen: it was kimberly or something
(11:27:15 PM) Preston Chang: haha nice
(11:27:35 PM) Preston Chang: eric you ask the questions that everyone (including me) is thinking
(11:27:37 PM) Preston Chang: i like that
(11:27:43 PM) Preston Chang: like the one you asked before
(11:27:45 PM) Eric Chen: aw tnaks
(11:27:46 PM) Preston Chang: what was it?
(11:27:49 PM) Eric Chen: thanks*
(11:27:51 PM) Preston Chang: oh like the bus situation?
(11:28:18 PM) Preston Chang: if you're facing someone you know but don't know their name so you didn't say hi to them?
(11:28:31 PM) Eric Chen: omgosh!
(11:28:32 PM) Eric Chen: i hate that
(11:28:59 PM) Eric Chen: and i dont' know whether to do a head nod, wave, or just say hi
(11:29:07 PM) Eric Chen: if i see somone
(11:29:11 PM) Eric Chen: i usually stick with wave
(11:29:20 PM) Eric Chen: more obvious then head nod
(11:29:26 PM) Preston Chang: yep
(11:29:34 PM) Preston Chang: head nod i reserve for people i don't know that well
(11:29:43 PM) Preston Chang: or like, those people you always see in your classes but don't actually know their name
(11:29:52 PM) Eric Chen: LOL
(11:29:57 PM) Eric Chen: i ignore those ppl

about [a rocket to the moon - life of the party] -- i like this song. 'tis all. :]

[facts about me, 3]
-when i was younger, i used to go to the bathroom and love making myself pee until i got to a full stream, and then immediately stop as fast as i could, and then pee full stream, and then stop, and continue that cycle until i couldn't pee anymore. i loved that feeling of relief.
-in the same vein, i LOVE that feeling of falling asleep when i'm mad tired. so, when i was younger, i used to set my alarm clock for like, 4 in the morning on a weekend. this way, when it woke me up in the middle of the night, i would be able to turn it off and then feel that GLORIOUS feeling of falling asleep again. kind of like waking up to your alarm clock in the morning, except in this case, it's so much more awesome-feeling because you're allowed to fall back asleep.
-when i was younger, and i slept in a sleeping bag, my dad told me that if i ever put my head under the covers for an extended period of time, i would die. i believed him, and was deathly (no pun intended) afraid of putting my head under the covers. one time, i was crawling around in my [zipped up] sleeping bag and i lost my way out, and for those 20 seconds as i was looking for the opening, i thought i was going to die. that was mad scary.

ivory

Enjoy the little things, for one day you may look back and realize they were the big things.

that, above, is written on the wrapping of a bar of ivory soap. how cool! that line really makes me think about my life in perspective. lately, i've started to feel myself actually growing up and getting older, and man, it is a scary thing.

i specifically remember one moment at the beginning of my sophomore year of high school. i said to myself, "preston, high school is going to go by really quickly, but it's a good thing you're not at the halfway point, and you're only going to be a sophomore. you could throw away this year and still have enough time to redeem your high school years, but make the best of it now."

i'm not gonna say any of that "it felt like i was young just yesterday!" stuff, because when i think about middle school, all that feels REALLy far back in the past. i like school, because the education provides something to do, something to achieve.

is it bad if that is the "main" purpose of my life now, with everything else such as friends, games, life experiences, as "side" enjoyments? to think that in a few years there won't be anymore school!? scary.

i was talking with chris chu a while ago, and the way he described things to me put things in a scary kind of perspective for me.

a few things i remember:
after college, there won't be time to hang out with friends anymore, and if there is, it'll be limited. because "4/5" people will move to another area to work, and/or they'll get married.
church won't be nearly the same because the english young adults is nothing like college group which is already much different from regular youth group.
without a purpose or "thing to go after" once college is over, what'll i seek out and fill my life with, besides work?

which brings me back to the quote above.

"Enjoy the little things, for one day you may look back and realize they were the big things."

i hope i've made the best of enjoying little things in the past. i think, if you take time to look around, you'll see your life filled with lots of little things that you may take for granted. but hey, youth is what it is, and it doesn't last forever.

every sunday school, every sermon, every "routine" worship team set, every applebee's get-together, every sleepover, every settlers game. make the best of it.

preston, college is going to go by really quickly. make the best of it now.

what are your little things that you enjoy now?

[randumz]
-when i was younger, i would go apple picking every year around october. one time, i brought a steak knife with me, and slashed up apples as they hung on the trees as if i were a samurai or something. i had a BLAST.
-DCLA. in DC. in 2006. at the beginning of one of the concerts, i was heading to the bathroom. and before i even got close to the door, guess who i SAW! DAVID CROWDER! a ton of other people were there and crowding him at the entrance to the bathroom, the poor guy. the point is, I GOT TO SHAKE HIS HAND HEHEH.
-one time in middle school, i got a nosebleed. i went to the nurse's office and it kept going for a long while. eventually, the nurse called my dad and he came to get me since my nose wouldn't stop bleeding. i went to see a doctor/private-physician-dood on the spot, and he stuck this solder-like thing up my nostril, and the bleeding stopped. he said my nose would never bleed again. that wasn't true.

take down this molotov of words

(10:48:01 PM) Matthew Chao: hey
(10:48:07 PM) Matthew Chao: what are you working on
(10:48:14 PM) Preston Chang: trig integrals(10:48:22 PM) Matthew Chao: omg
(10:48:22 PM) Preston Chang: go to 438(10:48:24 PM) Matthew Chao: those make me so hot
(10:48:26 PM) Matthew Chao: ok

this is why matthew is my study buddy. 'cause he'll osculate YOUR curves. (i don't know what that means.)

[r-r-r]
-when i was younger, like in middle school times, i used to wear shirts that were mad sizes larger than i was, like, they had to be at least XL. going into high school, i gradually shifted down to L. i only recently made the change, meaning like two years ago, to M.
-when i was younger, i wanted to be a fighter pilot. specifically, of an F-14. i think this was 95% due to seeing tom cruise be so awesome in top gun. YEAH. TOP GUN.
-when i was younger, i sold david yang a beedrill card for $20 on a friday night at church. when i told my parents, my mom was upset at this, but my dad said it was fine. heehee.
--mini-random fact: to be honest, the random facts are my second favorite part of each blog entry. my favorite part is all of the comments you guys have. :]