just a picture i took that i really like.  :D

song lyrics talk about summer flings and warm weather
but for me
it's the arrival of the brisk air
that reminds me
of you

bought/built my first computer!  i3-3220 with hd7850 2gb.  yay!!

point

the point family! thanks for making sundays awesome~

and the point car!
tim pai, faithfully driving us every week and pushing us to be on time
tim yu, riding shotgun and putting on "the mess i made" every chance possible
elliot liu, usually catching up on sleep from the night prior and/or dressed completely unsuited to the weather ("THE WEATHER SAID IT'S SHORTS WEATHER")
laura an, probably absentmindedly on her phone
and me, trying to spark conversation during sunday morning car rides i knew would be over all too soon
our point car, always love

i'm in love.

you know what?  i will come outright and say something that’s been on my heart and is long overdue.

i love writing.

before we get any further, let's talk about what this means.  am i passionate about writing?  am i a good writer?  do i regularly write in a journal or blog?  no, no, and no.  but does that mean i can't love writing?  i used to think the answer to this question was yes.  i would ask myself, “how can you say you love writing but not be /do any of those things above?  at best, you just like it.  you can’t claim that title for yourself, and you certainly can’t call yourself a writer.”

it makes sense that a lot of people are afraid of declaring their passion for something, because they feel like after they declare it, a certain standard is expected of them, and they’re afraid of not being able to meet that standard, whether in their own eyes or in the eyes of others.  (a topic for another day.)

for me, writing is an activity that is simultaneously freeing and constricting.

freeing because the process of writing is incredibly liberating.  it’s taking intangible thoughts in the mind and solidifying them into concrete words.  it’s the expression and presentation of ideas into a form that is understandable by the reader.  it’s a mental exercise of the utmost satisfaction.

i like to think of the writing process as looking into one’s head, seeing the countless thoughts bouncing around with limited pattern and structure, seizing them and subsequently arranging them into solid, concrete concepts that are immortalized in the language of words.  this “frees” the thoughts from the prison of the mind and releases them into reality.  it takes potential and realizes it.

constricting because writing is the means to producing a product.  it’s creating a product whose value is able to be determined by how well it achieves its purpose.  i’m thinking, if i’m to make a product, i wouldn’t want to showcase something i don’t believe is of the utmost quality and accuracy.

take blogging, for example.  in my eyes, a blog is a stage – a spotlight for one’s writing.  MY blog, MY thoughts, ME.  you read my blog, you read my thoughts, and your idea of who i am is developed through your reading of what i’ve written.  that’s why, for me, blogging is a big ordeal.  when blogging, i feel an unshakeable need to make sure each blog entry i write is accurately portraying my thoughts and getting them across to the reader as pure and authentic as they began in my mind.

i think back to my pineapplebits.blogspot.com days, when i would get an idea for an entry, and i would begin writing about it.  i’d spend hours on an entry, making sure each idea presented and word chosen and sentence formed was exactly as i wanted it to be.  i’d reread it countless times, moving words and phrases and paragraphs around, changing transitions, deciding between using a comma or two separate sentences, wondering exactly how many adjectives to use in sequence to achieve the correct effect.

the whole process of doing this felt natural, like second nature.  at times, it felt irritating, when i couldn’t phrase things the way i wanted.  above all else, though, it felt genuine and satisfying.  the satisfaction coming from searching for and finding that right word that perfectly conveys that elusive idea.  take note that i said the satisfaction comes from the searching and from the finding – an important point.  writing is not just a means to an end, but a journey on the way to a destination.  a rewarding journey, through and through.

(on a side note, this is why i found grade school’s writing process requirements difficult, because i didn’t quite have drafts-  i just constantly revised and edited as i wrote.  it’s rare for me to compose a sentence that didn’t require some touching up nearly immediately.)

i think the way i view the writing process says a lot about myself.  i believe it points to a personal feeling of mine that everything i do is inevitably evaluated and scrutinized.  it may also point to a personal belief that, in a sense, the products i create are a reflection of who i am.  this may be the source of the pressure i feel when writing certain things.

when are the times when i feel the most pressure and feel most constricted in my writing?  when the topic i’m writing about is broad, and when what i’m writing might be referenced later.  combining these two factors results in me trying to create a product that is comprehensive and will stand the test of time.  (more on this later.)

when are the times when i feel the least pressure and write most openly and unrestrictedly?  when i am prompted to answer something or when i have to present an idea.  in these cases, i have a clear direction and objective, which is to clearly and concisely communicate an idea to the reader.

i love writing emails.  when writing emails, i know someone will read it, but i know it's not something that's going to be immortalized, so there's no pressure to get everything perfect and pristine.  emails also tend to come with a clear inquiry or demand which can be satisfied with a clear response.

i love writing in chats.  in the same way, a chat is like talking to someone face to face.  during face to face conversations, one doesn’t often worry about if someone is going to dwell on a sentence fragment that was fumbled, because it passes by in the flow of a conversation.  although online chatting is different from talking in person because it has the component of being logged, the temporary feel of the conversation flow still lends itself to a relaxed and pressure-free environment.

i love answering questions.  this goes for face-to-face, too, but something about answering questions in writing is marvelous for the soul.  there have been many times when a question posed to me has caused me to articulate ideas in a way i never would have otherwise.  something about responding to a person’s inquiry has a whole different flavor than writing in a journal about the same topic.  so ask me questions :)

back to the times when i find it difficult to write, my biggest concern is the worry that something i write will be incomplete or ineffective.  what i mean is incomplete in conveying the entirety of the idea and covering its every facet and perspective.  and here lies the problem: how could i even claim to be able to create something that is finitely comprehensive when ideas themselves are infinite?  when you strip away the fancy terms, my insecurity behind writing is that i am unable to achieve the impossible.  i know it, but even knowing it does not remove the desire.

like jealousy, where the desire to own a person persists despite the fact that owning the entirety of a person’s thoughts/feelings/actions is itself an impossible task.

like perfection, where the desire to meet perfection persists despite the fact that the standard itself is an unattainable goal.

like progress, where the desire to always have more and to constantly be better exists despite the fact that success depends entirely upon circumstance, context, culture, and comparisons, all of which are arbitrary.

perhaps the best thing i can do is say that i do not and will not know everything, for that itself is a statement that will always hold true.

maybe i haven’t yet found my purpose for writing.  maybe i’m trying too hard to find one.

Oh, the comfort — the inexpressible comfort of feeling safe with a person — having neither to weigh thoughts nor measure words, but pouring them all right out, just as they are, chaff and grain together; certain that a faithful hand will take and sift them, keep what is worth keeping, and then with the breath of kindness blow the rest away.

- Dinah Maria Mulock Craik, A Life for a Life

taiwan 2013

a selection of pictures from my five-week stay in taipei, taiwan :)
it was hard to pick only these 118 from the 1,750 i took-  ask me about it sometime, i have much more to show!

Mini Chen: how come you like cats so much btw?

Mini Chen: how come you like cats so much btw?
Preston Chang: i don't know how to describe it.. i was trying to think about this yesterday
Preston Chang: as i saw cats
Preston Chang: cats just chill out
Preston Chang: and sleep and groom and lounge
Preston Chang: like, by tourist places
Preston Chang: SUPER CUTE
Preston Chang: i petted them :3
Preston Chang: i love the way their bodies are shaped
Preston Chang: it's like, cute and majestic and pretty
Preston Chang: the legs and feet and tails
Preston Chang: the tails are really elegant
Preston Chang: their mannerisms are cute, too
Preston Chang: the way they posture themselves for anything
Preston Chang: laying down, sleeping, tumbling
Preston Chang: they walk really smoothly
Preston Chang: i love that they're so well-balanced and coordinated
Preston Chang: jump crazy high
Preston Chang: it's like they're always stalking
Preston Chang: and if you've ever looked closely at a cat when it's standing still
Preston Chang: and it hears a noise far away
Preston Chang: sometimes just one of its ears rotates
Preston Chang: like it turns a few degrees
Preston Chang: outwards
Preston Chang: and it's SUPER cute
Preston Chang: and when their eyes close they look like they're smiling
Preston Chang: like when you put them on the head and their eyes close
Preston Chang: and the way they SWIPE at things is SO cute
Preston Chang: like strings or other dangly things
Preston Chang: or the way they use their paws to try and cover bugs on the ground
Preston Chang: they track with this cunning precision
Preston Chang: like their eyes are cameras scanning the environment and their brains are computers calculating jump distances and trajectories
Preston Chang: and then when they sleep it's just like super cute
Preston Chang: yesterday i pet this cat that was sleeping
Preston Chang: and it just didn't wake up, even when i poked it and pressed on its head multiple times
Preston Chang: and i love that
Preston Chang: that cats are always so engaged in whatever they're doin
Preston Chang: and yesterday we saw a cat that was grooming itself
Preston Chang: and the whole time i was watching it and talking to it and petting it, it just kept grooming itself
Preston Chang: like it didn't care at all that it was the center of attention of everyone walking down that street
Preston Chang: i like that cats have a mind of their own
Preston Chang: dogs are fun and stuff, and i like that they're SO attention-giving
Preston Chang: but they're kinda predictable
Preston Chang: throw a ball, it'll fetch it
Preston Chang: pat your thigh, it'll jump up
Preston Chang: rub its tummy, it'll roll over
Preston Chang: talk to it, it'll look back at you
Preston Chang: but CATS ...
Preston Chang: basically, do anything, and you'll have no idea what it'll do in response
Preston Chang: other than a few things
Preston Chang: like if you pet its head, it'll close its eyes
Preston Chang: and if you touch its tummy, it'll probably scratch you with its hind legs
Preston Chang: and i like how they slink around
Preston Chang: super stealthily
Preston Chang: like you're chilling on the couch
Preston Chang: and all of a sudden the cat is behind your head like
Preston Chang: HEYA
Preston Chang: but not really 'cause it doesn't care to interact with you
Preston Chang: their tails also have like a mind of their own
Preston Chang: the way they absentmindedly curl around
Preston Chang: and wiggle
Preston Chang: very elegantly
Preston Chang: it kind of reflects what the cat is thinking
Preston Chang: its curiosity in something
Preston Chang: and i like how cats are so CURIOUS
Preston Chang: they love watching things
Preston Chang: and looking at the outdoors
Preston Chang: and chasing little things on the gruond
Preston Chang: i like how they look when they're sitting up
Preston Chang: the front paws are always together
Preston Chang: it's very regal
Mini Chen:LOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOL
Mini Chen: OMGSH PRESTON
Mini Chen: YOU DESERVE A CAT
Preston Chang: okay can i have one
Preston Chang: thanks
Mini Chen: i will
Mini Chen: buy you a cat
Mini Chen: like you are probably
Mini Chen: the most deserving of a cat
Mini Chen: ever
Mini Chen: just take my cat
Mini Chen: whatever
Preston Chang: HAHAHAHHA
Mini Chen: i don't deserve him
Mini Chen: as much as you do
Mini Chen: LOL
Mini Chen: dude you could write a book after a cat
Preston Chang: no one's actually ever asked me before why i like cats
Mini Chen: that sounded like a love note
Mini Chen: to cat
Preston Chang: thanks for helping me let all that out
Mini Chen: no problem

epiphany

last week, i realized what popcorn style prayer meant. it means that you don’t know who will say the next prayer, just like you don’t know which kernel will pop next…