:)

mini chanel

a new addition to my bookshelf

chanel products look so nice.  :}

gifts

i love giving gifts :)

I want you. I want your sleepy confused look when you wake up. I want to be the warmth that fills the space in your bed. I want to be the sheets your fingers crave at night; the blanket that wraps around you all night. I want to drink tea with you, share some records we find. I want to talk about everything in the world newspapers. I want to discuss with you, to be stubborn and quick-witted with you. I want to have differences between us. I want your flaws. All of them. I want go into the deepest corners of your mind and never get bored of you. I want to be surprised by the new all the time. I want to look at you like a movie, a living piece of art; always trying to chase what you crave … and capture you.

- Elay Neal Moses

it's the holidays!

the best candy now comes in the best color

what a time to be alive

timbuk trio

the triumvirate!  (sean, me, brandon)

he's a time traveler!

context: irvin's power supply in his computer died last week, and a new one is in transit
(4:11:08 PM) Irvin Pham: so yeah... the case and psu will come tomorrow
(4:11:13 PM) Irvin Pham: hopefully that'll fix everything
(4:11:19 PM) Irvin Pham: and i can return to the 21st century

beauty

"She sees how her stomach looks when she’s standing in her bra. She sees how her face looks without any make up on. She sees how her chin looks when she looks down at her reflection. She sees how her arms sag when she has them up. She sees how her thighs jiggle when she walks or runs. She sees how her boobs look when she’s wearing a top. She sees how her acne looks when she washes her face. She sees how her legs look when she looks at all of her scars. She sees how her hair looks when she wakes up in the morning. She sees how her wrinkles show when she smiles. She sees how her stretch marks are visable when she sits down. See, the thing about girls, they can see every little detail about themselves, details that other people can’t see and they see every little flaw that other people don’t even notice. So when a girl doesn’t accept your compliments about her being beautiful, it’s honestly because she feels like she isn’t and she’d be lying if she said she was."

- Nash Grier

---

wow.

i find that quote infuriating.

who are you to be critical of your body?  who are you to say "i am not beautiful" when you did not create yourself?  what kind of twisted society and culture do we live in where people support a quote like this, which essentially says "my body as i really am is not beautiful, and you don't see me at those times, so i can't accept your compliments because you don't really know."?

stop looking at your body and treating it as though it has to be a certain way for it to be beautiful.

will your body always look the same?  for the rest of your life?  no, it won't.  does that, later on, you won't be beautiful anymore?  no, it doesn't.  seriously, if you've thought this through, how does this make sense in your head?

it's not about your weight.  it's not about your shape.  it's not about your attire.  it's not about stupid crap that people place so much emphasis on like jiggling thighs or stretch marks or messy hair or wrinkles or who gives a crap.  seriously, screw that whole idea of "this makes a girl beautiful and this doesn't".  it's dehumanizing and robs women of their God-given worth, and we are actively supporting that idea if we view women like that and let this idea run rampant without speaking up about it.

by even thinking about "what physical attributes of mine are attractive and what aren't?", you've already lost to the enemy.

who are you to hold yourself to a standard that God doesn't hold you to?

you can't make your own standard.

listen to this.  you're either going to end up prideful by accomplishing it, or you'll end up feeling ashamed/inadequate by not achieving it.  both take you away from the right standard of scripture as God's standard for you.  reading scripture is what gives you the proper perception of yourself, and reading scripture is what guides how you live and how you view yourself.  the biblical standard is not just one standard you can choose in lieu of other ones, it's the only right one.

but what about feeling like you can't shake the thoughts of wanting to look good and be attractive and "measure up"?  scripture, again, transforms and renews our minds (romans 12:2), taking you away from the false standards of the world and bringing you to a place where you can filter out and discard the lies that people (and you) want you to believe, and instead look at yourself only by God's true standard.

it's difficult because influences are all around, it's difficult because living according to God's standard is not cool/flashy/attractive in the world's eyes, and it's difficult because the instant you stop grounding yourself in the Word is the instant you'll start backsliding into thoughts of comparing and achieving and striving.  it's difficult.  God knows, but He provides a constant reorienting for those who ask.

beauty is important.  everything that is beautiful reflects God's image, and your body indeed reflects God's image, as well.

don't take it lightly, and don't think you can abstain from worldly influences by saying "i don't care about it", because the only way to overcome wrongful thinking in a world that only promotes wrong values is to be grounded in truth.  and you have to fight for that truth to be constantly learned and applied.

fight or give up, there's no in between.

---

this whole concept of beauty in today's world is an injustice that imprisons women and deprives their beautiful souls of feeling and understanding the worth they have.  my heart hurts for them.

what are you doing in the fight for truth?

(a good read: http://keeleychorn.com/bible-study/identity/identity-body-image/)

postcard from taiwan 1

my cousin (in 11th grade) is so great.  :D  i miss my relatives in taiwan.

foot pictionary

what a hilarious game.

http://iacopoapps.appspot.com/hopalongwebgl/

i love to sit and watch this while listening to my headphones.  :)

Stan

"Believe in what you believe in, and don't let nobody talk you out of it."

- Stan McNeil

Praise God for the time Stan was able to minister at Rutgers. :')

http://youtu.be/HtqE9k1zEg8

my new friend came in the mail today!

what should i name him?

if you ever needed a crash course on preston 101

(8:57:30 PM) Preston Chang: i'm an introvert, but i love being with people and learning about people
(8:57:36 PM) Preston Chang: and learning about their personality, like i said
(8:57:48 PM) Preston Chang: so i love playing board games with people, because it exercises my competitive side
(8:58:12 PM) Preston Chang: and a board game is a situation that has a common goal and set parameters, and it throws all the players into that microcosm
(8:58:25 PM) Preston Chang: and i love observing others and interacting with others through the game
(8:58:37 PM) Preston Chang: since, in a way, it breaks down our ways of thinking into those set parameters
(8:58:40 PM) Preston Chang: i LOVE board games.
(8:58:57 PM) Preston Chang: i like being skilled at things
(8:59:07 PM) Preston Chang: so my hobbies typically involve refining and honing my skill in a particular area
(8:59:36 PM) Preston Chang: i made a list of "stuff i've spent my time on"
(8:59:45 PM) Preston Chang: in high school, i yo-yoed
(8:59:53 PM) Preston Chang: including offstring (NOT chinese yo-yo, gosh)
(8:59:55 PM) Preston Chang: and that was neat
(9:00:06 PM) Preston Chang: but 1) i didn't have friends who shared my same desire to get better
(9:00:21 PM) Preston Chang: and 2) it took too much effort to get better
(9:00:27 PM) Preston Chang: (reason 1 also caused reason 2)
(9:00:33 PM) Preston Chang: i also solved the rubik's cuber
(9:00:34 PM) Preston Chang: cube
(9:00:47 PM) Preston Chang: that was a really fun and fascinating spatial exercise activity
(9:00:58 PM) Preston Chang: i loved learning how to solve it (through looking up online methods)
(9:01:04 PM) Preston Chang: and i highly recommend it to anyone
(9:01:10 PM) Preston Chang: it's not difficult, and it's NOT just memorizing stuff
(9:01:17 PM) Preston Chang: (but if you're going to, i would recommend you a certain method)
(9:01:29 PM) Preston Chang: going into it, i didn't want to just memorize stuff, 'cause i felt like that was lame
(9:01:42 PM) Preston Chang: so the method i found and learned and still use to this day is the lars petrus method
(9:01:48 PM) Preston Chang: and it solves 2/3 of the cube by pure logic alone
(9:01:58 PM) Preston Chang: it doesn't require memorizing algorithms until the final layer
(9:02:09 PM) Preston Chang: my favorite is the 2x2x2 cube, it's just so cute :)
(9:02:17 PM) Preston Chang: my fastest consistent time was 30 seconds on the regular 3x3x3
(9:02:27 PM) Preston Chang: i played tennis in high school
(9:02:30 PM) Preston Chang: badminton in college
(9:02:37 PM) Preston Chang: and now i'm back to tennis (because it's hard to find a place to play badminton)
(9:02:52 PM) Preston Chang: i played tetris in college (tetris arena on tetrisfriends.com)
(9:03:10 PM) Preston Chang: and typically, for all my hobbies, i would say i'm good at them, definitely "above average"
(9:03:24 PM) Preston Chang: since "above average"/"proficient" is the standard i usually set for myself
(9:03:35 PM) Preston Chang: good enough to dominate people with average skill level :p
(9:03:54 PM) Preston Chang: so in tetris i learned how to t-spin, and THAT was also a very fun intellectual exercise
(9:04:07 PM) Preston Chang: and i'm not a godly player, but i can hold my own against most people
(9:04:15 PM) Preston Chang: 65 TPM and 30 LPM when i'm on my game
(9:04:39 PM) Preston Chang: i played pool for a bit of time due to irvin's influence (since he's really into pool), 'cause he let me borrow one of his pool cues and i brought it to school
(9:04:46 PM) Preston Chang: and there are pool tables all over campus, so i got to play whenever i wanted :)
(9:05:00 PM) Preston Chang: i'm not great at pool, def better than average, but not good enough that i would say "i play pool" hahah
(9:05:15 PM) Preston Chang: for all of these things, i have/had like no friends to play with
(9:05:22 PM) Preston Chang: i'm always the passionate one and trying to get other people interested
(9:05:33 PM) Preston Chang: i love teaching, so i'd teach plenty of newbies (anyone who wanted to learn)
(9:05:43 PM) Preston Chang: but i was still missing opponents who were on my level
(9:05:51 PM) Preston Chang: i play tf2 (love team fortress) still to this day
(9:06:06 PM) Preston Chang: brawl - i'm not fantastic at it, but pretty good (all relative, of course)
(9:06:11 PM) Preston Chang: but i would say i can hold my own against most people
(9:06:19 PM) Preston Chang: i love cycling
(9:06:24 PM) Preston Chang: don't have a community to cycle with though :(
(9:06:28 PM) Preston Chang: (i know cccnc has one :D)
(9:06:31 PM) Preston Chang: i love snowboarding
(9:06:43 PM) Preston Chang: don't have regular snowboarding buddies, though, but i like to go each season
(9:06:52 PM) Preston Chang: i'm going to stratton for a 3-day trip this winter yayyyy
(9:07:06 PM) Preston Chang: i go off jumps and stuff, no spins or rails, though
(9:07:14 PM) Preston Chang: still getting comfortable being in the air and stuff
(9:07:22 PM) Preston Chang: i've gotten hurt three times over six seasons hahaha
(9:07:26 PM) Preston Chang: but i still love it
(9:07:36 PM) Preston Chang: i'm an audiophile, so i love me a good set of headphones
(9:07:58 PM) Preston Chang: i have the hifiman he-400 open headphones (planar magnetic technology!) with the jds labs o2 headphone amp
(9:08:06 PM) Preston Chang: it's a $500 audio setup
(9:08:10 PM) Preston Chang: and i love it :)
(9:08:26 PM) Preston Chang: my audio journey started in my sophomore year of college (09-10)
(9:08:36 PM) Preston Chang: with a $99 pair of headphones
(9:08:46 PM) Preston Chang: and my current one is my third pair of headphones that i've owned
(9:08:52 PM) Preston Chang: (i sold or gave away the previous ones)
(9:09:07 PM) Preston Chang: and i don't see myself upgrading for a while
(9:10:07 PM) Christine Liang: and it seems like when you get interested in something you strive for greatness in it, is that like a self-acheivement thing or like a competitive thing?
(9:10:53 PM) Preston Chang: i take pride in what i do, and my philosophy is that if i'm going to spend time on a particular hobby, i want to be good at it!  so it goes hand-in-hand with my competitive nature
(9:11:03 PM) Preston Chang: being skilled at things is fun
(9:11:07 PM) Preston Chang: being mediocre at things is not
(9:11:18 PM) Preston Chang: more time invested (/practiced) = more fun!
(9:11:39 PM) Preston Chang: basically, i like things that involve people
(9:11:50 PM) Preston Chang: and things that involve mental analyzation
(9:11:58 PM) Preston Chang: because i find both to be incredibly fun
(9:12:03 PM) Preston Chang: physics is my favorite science
(9:12:21 PM) Preston Chang: i love puzzles (rubik's cube, indie puzzler games, LOGIC PUZZLES)
(9:12:28 PM) Preston Chang: not things like crosswords or sudoku haha
(9:12:49 PM) Preston Chang: it's just not really my thing
(9:12:54 PM) Preston Chang: but i've probably heard every logic puzzle out there so..
(9:13:01 PM) Preston Chang: oh yeah LOL
(9:13:09 PM) Preston Chang: i love webcomics, too
(9:13:10 PM) Preston Chang: like xkcd
(9:13:13 PM) Christine Liang: ??
(9:13:14 PM) Preston Chang: BUTTERSAFE is probably my favorite
(9:13:15 PM) Christine Liang: eh?
(9:13:18 PM) Preston Chang: dude what
(9:13:22 PM) Christine Liang: it's like you're speaking a different language
(9:13:26 PM) Preston Chang: WEB-COMICS
(9:13:29 PM) Preston Chang: comics on the web
(9:13:35 PM) Christine Liang: buttersafe?
(9:13:37 PM) Christine Liang: xkcd?
(9:13:43 PM) Preston Chang: http://buttersafe.com/2007/05/01/jk-bird/
(9:13:47 PM) Preston Chang: buttersafe is a webcomic
(9:13:48 PM) Preston Chang: and it is adorable
(9:13:56 PM) Preston Chang: http://buttersafe.com/2008/09/11/shark-rider/
(9:14:05 PM) Preston Chang: http://buttersafe.com/2009/02/05/fire-and-water/
(9:14:13 PM) Preston Chang: http://buttersafe.com/2011/03/01/robot-cat/
(9:14:15 PM) Preston Chang: http://buttersafe.com/2011/04/26/more-robot-cat/
(9:14:19 PM) Preston Chang: http://buttersafe.com/2011/05/19/even-more-robot-cat/
(9:14:20 PM) Preston Chang: I LOVE CATS
(9:14:25 PM) Preston Chang: SO I LOVE ROBOT CAT from buttersafe
(9:14:57 PM) Preston Chang: http://www.xkcd.com/
(9:15:05 PM) Preston Chang: xkcd is a math/physics/geeky webcomic
(9:15:10 PM) Preston Chang: it's been going on for a looooooong time
(9:15:22 PM) Preston Chang: and i feel like i have a connection with randall (the writer/drawer)
(9:15:30 PM) Preston Chang: through his comics, through the forums, through his BLOG
(9:15:32 PM) Christine Liang: lolllll
(9:15:42 PM) Preston Chang: i love stuffed animals
(9:15:49 PM) Preston Chang: i'm a huge sucker for stuffed animals :|
(9:15:58 PM) Preston Chang: i love some tv shows and some anime!
(9:16:08 PM) Preston Chang: LIE TO ME and MALCOLM IN THE MIDDLE
(9:16:10 PM) Preston Chang: all-time favorites
(9:16:17 PM) Preston Chang: i'm still watching the walking dead right now, it's phenomenal
(9:16:25 PM) Preston Chang: and i just started attack on titan today and it is IMMENSELY AWESOME
(9:16:33 PM) Preston Chang: i haven't really watched anime since high school
(9:16:35 PM) Preston Chang: so, this is great
(9:16:48 PM) Preston Chang: i also have a ps3 and i love video games (the right kinds, of course)
(9:16:57 PM) Preston Chang: oh and i play piano <3 p="">(9:17:05 PM) Preston Chang: and i listen to music
(9:17:13 PM) Preston Chang: but if you want to ask me about what kind of music i like and listen to
(9:17:18 PM) Preston Chang: i am too tired to explain all that LOL
(9:17:36 PM) Preston Chang: i enjoy life's experiences
(9:17:37 PM) Preston Chang: i love eating
(9:17:46 PM) Preston Chang: i'm not a foodie
(9:17:55 PM) Preston Chang: but when i like a particular food, i LOVE it
(9:17:58 PM) Preston Chang: french fries and popcorn come to mind
(9:18:10 PM) Preston Chang: i love smells (i smell everything)
(9:18:16 PM) Preston Chang: i love the way things feel, too
(9:18:24 PM) Preston Chang: things with nice texture, soft - fuzzy - smooth - interesting
(9:18:33 PM) Preston Chang: and i love gadgets (like computer peripherals)
(9:18:41 PM) Preston Chang: so i have a mechanical keyboard which has a very nice sound and an even better feel
(9:18:51 PM) Preston Chang: and a nice mouse (excellent feel)
(9:18:57 PM) Preston Chang: mousepad, etc.
(9:19:26 PM) Preston Chang: sometimes i just pick up my ps3 controller and play with the joysticks for a few minutes because i love how they feel
(9:19:35 PM) Preston Chang: did i mention i love cats?
(9:19:36 PM) Preston Chang: and hamsters
(9:19:48 PM) Preston Chang: i could get a hamster now, actually, so i was considering it
(9:19:48 PM) Christine Liang: preston i am learning a lot about you
(9:19:53 PM) Preston Chang: when i had to go to the pet store with a friend recently
(9:19:59 PM) Christine Liang: do you usually have this much energy?
(9:20:03 PM) Preston Chang: yes, always
(9:20:04 PM) Christine Liang: haha yes
(9:20:16 PM) Christine Liang: i'm just impressed
(9:20:24 PM) Preston Chang: i'm a night owl but i like to wake up early to make the most of my day
(9:20:25 PM) Christine Liang: in how in depth you go
(9:20:28 PM) Preston Chang: i love typing
(9:20:30 PM) Christine Liang: loll idk why
(9:20:35 PM) Preston Chang: i love going in-depth with things
(9:20:36 PM) Christine Liang: waking up early*
(9:20:39 PM) Preston Chang: everything i do!
(9:20:45 PM) Preston Chang: relationships
(9:20:47 PM) Preston Chang: conversations
(9:20:49 PM) Preston Chang: hobbies
(9:20:53 PM) Preston Chang: analyzing things
(9:20:58 PM) Preston Chang: understanding things
(9:21:14 PM) Preston Chang: i believe there is always more than what meets the eye
(9:21:22 PM) Preston Chang: and i also believe that digging that out is always worth the effort
(9:21:47 PM) Preston Chang: everything i spend time on, i've thought it out and considered its implications and its benefits
(9:21:58 PM) Preston Chang: i'm a thinker
(9:22:14 PM) Preston Chang: i love to talk if you ask the right questions
(9:22:56 PM) Preston Chang: i also love nerdy / geeky things
(9:23:02 PM) Preston Chang: and sci-fi things
(9:23:03 PM) Preston Chang: techie things
(9:23:04 PM) Preston Chang: cute things
(9:23:32 PM) Preston Chang: but i love movies, too!
(9:23:41 PM) Preston Chang: esp the ones that involve dramatic thinking
(9:24:39 PM) Preston Chang: if i had to pick one favorite movie of all time
(9:24:44 PM) Preston Chang: first that comes to mind is the matrix
(9:24:51 PM) Christine Liang: why
(9:24:53 PM) Preston Chang: because it is fascinating
(9:25:01 PM) Preston Chang: and basically the POINT of the movie is to get us to ask questions
(9:25:05 PM) Preston Chang: and it poses really, really good questions
(9:25:18 PM) Preston Chang: i'm sure the effect of watching it now is very different than in 1999
(9:25:21 PM) Preston Chang: but it still holds its own
(9:25:27 PM) Preston Chang: yeah movies that make me think
(9:25:28 PM) Preston Chang: love 'em
(9:26:07 PM) Preston Chang: I LOVE TOM CRUISE
(9:26:09 PM) Preston Chang: HOW COULD I FORGET
(9:26:10 PM) Preston Chang: I LOVE HIM
(9:26:13 PM) Preston Chang: favorite actor ever
(9:27:23 PM) Preston Chang: I LOVE HIS SMILE
(9:27:23 PM) Preston Chang: AND HIS HAIR
(9:27:25 PM) Preston Chang: AND HIS SMILE
(9:26:20 PM) Preston Chang: i don't want to hear anything about him being short
(9:26:23 PM) Preston Chang: i've heard it all
(9:26:33 PM) Preston Chang: i also love the fast and the furious series
(9:26:40 PM) Preston Chang: vin diesel and paul walker <3 p="">(9:26:45 PM) Preston Chang: and cars are cool
(9:27:31 PM) Christine Liang: lol you're such a fan girl
(9:27:34 PM) Preston Chang: I AM A FAN GIRL
(9:27:36 PM) Preston Chang: FOR TOM CRUISE
(9:27:37 PM) Christine Liang: HAHAHHAA
(9:27:52 PM) Christine Liang: this is gold
(9:27:57 PM) Preston Chang: this is my life
(9:32:03 PM) Preston Chang: i'm tired
(9:32:05 PM) Preston Chang: from explaining all that

A biblical understanding of the Christian life is not "let go and let God," it’s "trust God and get going."

- Tullian Tchividjian

joy

joy - when God uses you to speak truth into the lives of others.

Believing in God is as much like falling in love as it is making a decision.  Love is both something that happens to you and something you decide upon.

- Donald Miller

insecurity doesn't hurt, it haunts.

i carved this little cutie.  scary, isn't it?

TIL 1

TIL that when brushing the outside of my molars, i shouldn't have my mouth open wider than a ~1cm gap or else a muscle in my mouth will prevent the toothbrush from reaching that area.

neat.

xkcd: Time

http://blog.xkcd.com/2013/07/29/1190-time/

http://geekwagon.net/projects/xkcd1190/

I love xkcd.

This is an incredible journey.

Take it.

"Candy?"

Friday night, that's the first thing the sixth grader in my small group says to me, without even a hi or a hello. Kids love their candy, so I laugh and smile and say, "Yes, I do have candy." I know he's still young, but I wonder when this little boy will understand there's more to our time together than candy?

Two weeks later, it hit me. How often do I come to Jesus like that? "Hey Jesus! Insight? Wisdom? Answers? "

And I wonder how many times Jesus has laughed and smiled and thought, "Yes, I have all those things for you. But when will this little boy understand there's more than just what I bring?"

i hate it when i have a lot of negative feelings. there’s nothing as overwhelming and distressing as emotions, with the staggering power of a flood, the chaos of a storm, and the maliciousness of a raging fire.

Adulting, by Kelly Williams Brown

This is from the “Get a Job” section of the book, but still applicable in regular life.

painting a picture of integrity

integrity is difficult.  i realized that recently.  and i mean REAL integrity, when no one would know a wrong i did.  it's not often i come upon situations where it's really just between me and God, but in those situations, my heart's struggle for righteousness really shows.

starting a few days ago, i have the opportunity to paint the basement of the house of one of our church elders.  him and his wife are two of the nicest people i know, and are incredibly hospitable and loving.  when his wife was going to pay me and asked how many hours i had worked in the past two days, i was prepared for the question and responded with the number of hours i had already calculated.

i gave the honest answer, so it's all good and swell, right?  well, not quite.

on my drive back home, i couldn't stop thinking about, what if i said 8 hours instead of 7?  or 9?  or 10?  those would all fly, since while i'm painting, they're doing other stuff around the house, and sometimes they aren't even home, so they're definitely not keeping tabs.

i thought about how trusting she was, and also how much control i had in maximizing the situation for my gain.  i was thinking to myself, if i could re-do that question, and i was given time to consider my answer, would i still give the honest answer?  my actions did the right thing, but was/is my heart in the right place?

it was then that i was reminded that integrity isn't just about lying about hours worked to make more money, but also about the state of my heart.

it brought me back to being in that basement by myself, and the thoughts that occasionally run through my head while painting the walls hour after hour.

i realized..  you know, if i don't work that hard at painting, if i slack off and dilly-dally and waste time, i would get away with it.  first of all, they haven't painted before, so they don't really know how long it would take to paint all those walls.  second, no one can really estimate how many hours it would take to paint that huuuuge basement that's literally the size of the entire first floor of my house.

i even had a bunch of different factors i could blame on things taking more time.  such as my hands getting sore (which was true) and needing to rest (not that true), or needing to move stuff away from the walls first to make room (which was true), or setting up the dropcloth and ladder and mixing the paint and all that stuff takes time (which was true, but could be greatly exaggerated).

basically, i could work at pretty much any pace and it would be satisfactory.

so, if i were working with my focus on making money, it'd be as lazy and slow as i could in order to spend as much time there as possible to rack up hours and $$$.

okay, with those sinful thoughts out of the way (of which there were a lot more than i initially thought..), now onto the good stuff!

the only way to keep myself working hard and honestly is i keep preaching to myself Colossians 3:23-24

"Whatever you do, work at it with all your heart, as working for the Lord, not for human masters, since you know that you will receive an inheritance from the Lord as a reward.  It is the Lord Christ you are serving."

i don't remember when it was, but the day i stored that verse in my heart was the day my view on work was changed forever.

God's challenge for me today: preston, does me being pleased with you give you enough motivation for righteous living?

so in GTA V Online, while doing missions with random people, i befriended some cool dudes, and they invited me to join their crew.  sure, why not?  the crew is called Authentic Zone Mafia.  lol.  but they’re really a cool bunch of dudes, they all have mics and they’re all really funny.  i think it’s ‘cause a good majority of them are actually black…

the first two pictures are shots i tried to get of everyone when we were chilling in one of their apartments.

and the last picture is a selfie of my awesome character, next to my ride of choice.  (probably slightly inspired by gal gadot and the f&f series)

i might be the only crew member who doesn’t have a mic, so i’m not sure if they assume i’m a girl irl or what..

I PLAY A FEMALE CHARACTER ‘CAUSE I’M A FEMINIST!!!

some cute/funny drinks at shoprite

thought 10

there's nothing like the feeling of giving yourself an excellent haircut.

rightly wronged

i think i'm a pretty forgiving person. with how i was raised, what i discovered to be common social sensibility, and God's grace in relentlessly refining my heart, i think i've gotten pretty good at giving the benefit of the doubt, approaching to resolve the situation before allowing myself to create personal feelings, and not approaching with antagonizing/accusing questions.

however, what if after forgiving someone, where after forgiving someone multiple times, there's no visible change. the question comes up, what if (it seems) this person wouldn't be able to understand the depth of the hurt they've inflicted without experiencing it themselves? or that they won't change without experiencing that hurt?

in turn, this raises the question: is there ever a time when we should withhold love from people who have wronged us? if even for just a temporary period of time?

now, my verbal response (what i want to say) to this question is pretty straightforward, something along the lines of "no, love them and forgive them and trust God to change them", but my internal response (what i want to do) is a bit more conflicted, because the main question that's been on my heart is this:

how in the world does loving someone change them if they don't know the extent of their offense?

to clarify, i'm not talking about if someone did something blatantly offensive, because in that case, responding in love is quite a strong statement, indeed. you hurt me, but i choose to love you anyway? powerful statement.

but [situation a] what if the person didn't know they hurt me, but i keep loving them? my expression of love simply becomes translated to "everything is fine", and no one is the wiser.

[situation b] what if the person knows they hurt me, but doesn't know how severe, but i keep loving them? my expression of love becomes "there was some pain, but i chose love anyway", but the expression of love is limited to however severe the perpetrator thinks the offense was.

let's say someone close to me wronged me, and my response was "hey, that upset me, but i choose to forgive you". is that always going to be sufficient in optimally reconciling the situation? and (in a separate question) is that doing the best for helping that person to be more loving and understanding in the future?

i suppose this is the one of the motivators for revenge. a typical motive for revenge is "i want to see that person hurt because they hurt me and it will make me feel better if they are hurt, too." i'm not talking about that motive. i'm saying, what if my motive for revenge is "i want to see that person hurt in the same way because then they will understand the extent of the hurt they caused"?

there's a part of me that resonates with that idea, but at the same time, another part of me that feels like that's not what the Gospel says.

so, while i may not know the ins and outs of how God uses our loving actions to change hearts, i'm going to love and trust.

bad decisions

one thing that's been bothering me a lot is the whole "bad decisions" trend going around. why do we celebrate making bad decisions together?

often i hear things like "heyyyy let's make go bad decisions together!" as a way to segue into hanging out or going out to eat or staying up late, and i'm like.. really? why? i absolutely do not understand why it has to be phrased in this way.

yeah, i get the appeal behind it. yeah, i get the convenience factor of giving the time/activity a concrete name. but are those necessary, especially at the potential damage it could do?

the appeal - why is making bad decisions appealing? well, quite frankly, it's because we're all geared to want to make bad decisions, to rebel and break the rules. it's exciting, it can make us feel like we're living "life on the edge", and it's just fun to break rules.

the convenience - in my experience, "let's make bad decisions!" is most often equivalent to "let's stay up and talk!" or "let's go out to get food!". the last time i checked, "let's stay up and talk" and "let's go out to get food" were perfectly acceptable phrases for initiating those activities.

i agree that it helps to get people together in places where bonding can happen, and that's something i fully support.

still, why do we have to call it "bad decisions"?

my beef with the expression is this:

the appeal comes from our internal (and perhaps hidden) desire for rebellion. whether it's that we want to stay up later than we think we should, or we want to eat late at night when we know we shouldn't, or we want to reassure ourselves of our power to choose and control our own lives -- those all stem from a rebellious attitude. my question is, why do we not rebuke this rebellious attitude, but instead, we advocate and pursue and celebrate it, in groups, and with other believers, no less?

here's a question for you: do you believe that the "bad decisions" you're choosing to make are actually bad? if so, why do you still choose it? if not, why do you call it that?

we're called to set an example for others and live out our beliefs, because we know there are people watching and observing and looking up to us. i don't want our community to set an example of supporting rebellious mindsets and lifestyles, simply because of a name we have for an activity.

notice i've been writing this whole post using 1st person plural pronouns - us, we. the reason being that, even though i don't advocate and have never used the phrase "bad decisions" in this way, i know that i support the community's actions and words, whether actively through reinforcement or passively through acceptance. so, this is me being active and encouraging us to think about our choice of words a little bit more carefully.

this "bad decisions" phrase is, at best, an oddly-named activity that facilitates community bonding, and, at worst, a bad witness and a comfort for complacency.

tell me once, tell me twice, tell me all the time

me and laura went to see the icarus account concert, free at tcnj!  it was sad none of the other ten people i asked were able to come along, 'cause it was FREE and they were so GOOOOOOD.  i love their music, and it was incredible getting to talk with them and ask them questions and all that good stuff.  hearing their harmonies in person is incredible, and their guitar-playing is simply inspiring.  so good.  got a poster!  :D

i’m a youth sponsor at my youth group, and i lead a small group of 6th grade boys.  it’s been so long since i’ve been in youth group, let alone 6th grade, and i forgot how awesome it is to be young.  talking with these kids is always a blast, and i love that the only way to really get them intently focused and eager to answer questions is if i reward them with candy.  we had one night where we wrote encouragement notes to the college freshmen who just left yg, and my three sixth graders wrote ten cards!  hahah they’re so great.

and something about using those markers makes your writing look like it was written by someone at least five years younger than you.  i wrote “clifford” on that box in the second to last picture, and it looks like a middle schooler wrote it LOL.

love these boys :D

i’m not sure what it is, but let’s all appreciate my sister and how awesome she is :D

Adulting, by Kelly Williams Brown

Rutgers Experience

Hi!

People realize at different points in college that where they are is an awesome and precious time that doesn’t come again in life.  It is abounding with opportunities, resources, and tons of people.  If you want to do something, there will be someone to support you and do it with you.  If you want to learn a new skill or get involved in a new activity or hobby, there’s probably a bunch of people doing it already.  The opportunities are endless, and the community is priceless.

My name’s Preston Chang.  I came to Rutgers in Fall ’08 majoring in Mechanical Engineering, switched to Packaging Engineering in Fall ‘11, and graduated in Spring ‘13! 

My hope in writing this document is to share with you, the reader, the things I’ve learned in my time at Rutgers – things I wish I knew in my earlier years of college.

In General

• Explore!  A lot of the following things pertaining to Rutgers campus itself have been discovered by wandering and exploring.  Find some friends and spend some time going to areas of the campus you’ve never been to, even if you think you know what it’s like, and even if other people have told you what it’s like.  Experience it for yourself before you make judgments, or else you might miss out on some awesome things!

• Negativity

Negativity goes a long way – remember this.  Are you bashing something for no reason?  Do you have a negative opinion about someone/something/somewhere because that’s the general consensus?  Consider if negativity should have a place in your daily speech, or if it can be omitted without issue.

Opportunities

• Recreation centers!  In the real world, people spend their hard-earned dollars on gym memberships.  Weird, right?  In our college world, we have unlimited gym membership as part of our tuition!  WOoooo so go and lift or swim or play a sport or something!

• Discover and pursue your interests.  There are tons of clubs and groups and organizations that do everything you could possibly think of doing.  If you’re into board games, dance, math, cycling, rowing, you name it – there’s a group of people interested in that same thing, waiting for you to join.  This is how you make great friends, by meeting people with the same passions.

• Time.  Think about how you spend your time-  is it beneficial to others and yourself?  Are you being a good steward of the time, resources, people, and opportunities that God has entrusted to you?

Living

I’ve lived in these dorms for my five years on campus: Metzger, McCormick Low-Rise, Crosby, Newell (that’s on Douglass), Morrow.

Suites are awesomeeee!  Excellent location, friends, etc.  Apartments are cool, too, if you’re into cooking and stuff.  Not much to say here other than find some awesome friends to live with :D

Food

This section is probably going to be controversial.  There will be people with strong opinions.  There will be people with no opinions.  And, the worst, there will be people with opinions that are only based on the opinions of others.  The bottom line is: go eat at all these places for yourself, multiple times, and form your own opinion from that.  If ever there was a topic which I found people to be most easily close-minded about (including me, at one point), it’s the dining halls at Rutgers.  You might not like one thing, but someone else will.  Don’t say it’s objectively bad.  (Unless it actually is.  Like Busch Chinese food LOL)

• Livingston!  This place is heaven.  Mongolian grill is deeeeelicious, the burger bar is excellent (even if just for the fries), and the quality of food is pretty much consistently a step above other dining halls.  The food quality here doesn’t degrade on the weekends, which is excellent.

• Brower!  I wholeheartedly enjoy Brower.  They have sushi every single night (vegetable, eel, salmon, crab, chicken teriyaki), and many times I would go there and eat just sushi for dinner.  They also have a cooked-to-order dish each night of the week ^{[i think]}, with Monday nights being a yummy noodle bar.  Brower doesn’t earn many points for being the only dining hall without a carpeted eating section, though.

• Busch!  Busch is home to many of us, and as such, it is perhaps the most familiar and most comfortable.  It’s pretty standard, and is a lot like a glorified high school cafeteria with their chicken fingers and chicken nuggets and so many tacos.  How do you just eat chicken nuggets for a meal?  I don’t know.  The pasta bar is a redeeming quality, though.

• Neilson!  Neilson is quite the yum, for those of you who have had the opportunity to experience it.  Neilson takeout is also AWESOME, with (small) chicken wings twice a week, and curly fries (all-you-can-grab) like every single night ^{[i think]}.  CURLY FRIESSSSSSSS.

• Also, a few other places where you can swipe for food: Douglass Campus Center, Cook Campus Center (by the Biel Rd stop), Rock Cafe on Livingston, and Woody’s on Busch.

Transportation

If you have a smartphone, use the Rutgers iOS app to check Nextbus.  It has the option of using your current location, and is super convenient.

Don’t be afraid of taking the weekend buses.  It’s easy.

1) Figure out if the 1 or the 2 gets you to your destination fastest.

2) Check Nextbus for when that bus is arriving.

3) Walk to your bus stop and get on the bus.

4) Get off the bus when your stop arrives.

So easy!  Contrary to popular belief, there aren’t many instances when the weekend buses are slower than the regular buses.

·         They will be inconvenient if you don’t check Nextbus and decide to go wait for like 20 minutes at the bus stop.

·         It will take longer than the RexB or RexL if you have to travel between Busch and Douglass, but it will be less walking.  For me, I don’t mind sitting on the bus for an extra ten minutes if it allows me to get on at the stop nearest to me and get off at my exact destination stop.  It’s nice to not have to walk to/from Hill Center or Lipman Hall, and also to not have to transfer buses.  Spend that half hour to read a book, listen to music, or talk to a friend.  (BCC to Biel Road is exactly half an hour.)

Tip: When a weekend bus travels between Douglass and Livingston, in either direction, it will stop at the SAC bus stop along the way.  Use this as a quick way to get to College Ave, or as a quick way to get from College Ave to Douglass/Livingston.

Scenic

• Rutgers Golf Course – excellent for stargazing and viewing other celestial sights

• Boyd Park – big, spacious, runs along the river and is nice to walk around

• SAC Park – totally random like, why is this even here behind sac?  but it’s pretty nice, especially at night!

• Douglass – this campus itself has a lot of cool places to go and look at, such as Voorhees chapel and the field behind it

Church

Get plugged into one.  Commit to the community there.  Talk with older people who can mentor you with the wisdom they have being 5-20 years older than you.

Work

Do it.  Excel in it.  Work at it with all your heart because it brings glory to God, because it is your mission as a student, and because it is a daily test of how you manage your responsibilities.  You may feel like it is detached from other parts of your life, such as your spiritual life, or your relationships with people, but it is quite the opposite-  it sets the trajectory for your future by creating a momentum in your actions, and, more importantly, in the way you make decisions.

Fun Stuff

Sign up for the Rutgers Student Life emailing list!

At the first involvement fair of my freshman year, I subscribed to Rutgers Student Life, and I am so glad I did.  They send you weekly emails of stuff going on around campus, sometimes cultural, sometimes boring, almost always free, and sometimes really awesome.  Examples of cool things include comedy shows, ice-skating, paintballing, mini-golfing, plays at the Cabaret Theatre (which are really good), limited time exhibits at the Zimmerli, free outdoor movie screenings, free popcorn in student centers, and more!

[To be added to the list, send an email to getinvolved@echo.rutgers.edu ]

Neat Places to Go

Busch

                The Twinkie in the Physics building

                Observatory in the Physics Lab

                3^rd floor of ARC has a lot of neat science/physics exhibits

                UMDNJ Campus (past the Pharmacy building)

                Hill Center (the rest of the building that isn’t the lecture halls)

Livingston

                Rutgers Zone has fun stuff to do and free ice cream Thursdays!

                Lucy Stone Hall (if you feel like going in a maze)

College Avenue

                2^nd floor and 4^th floor of Rutgers Student Center

Douglass

                Voorhees Chapel

                Mabel Smith Douglass Library

                Two bridges by Nicholas Music Center

Music

If you wanna learn an instrument, find people around you who play and ask them to help you get started.

If you can play an instrument, look for people around you who might be interested in learning and reach out to them to see if they want to learn.  They might be itching to play but too shy to ask.

Locations of pianos: LSC, McCormick lounge, Nicholas Music Center

The Nicholas practice room pianos are WONDERFUL.  Walk around in Nicholas until you find them!  It’ll be a Douglass adventure :)

Relationships

You’re surrounded by people.  You’re in daily contact with people you care about.  This isn’t an opportunity you’ll get to have after graduation, so make the most of it now.  Pour into people, take the initiative to build relationships and support them in what they’re doing.  Offer to get each other takeout, print things for each other, and invest in each other.  These might be the people you’ll have around you for the rest of your life!

It’s easy for people to get caught up doing random things on their computers or their phones, sinking time into social networking sites all day, even when they’re around people.  This is where you have to take the INITIATIVE to get people together to do people things – how many times have you been in a room where everyone's on their phones/laptops?  You see so much potential for bonding and building fellowship, and everyone would be down to do it, but no one starts it.  Be the one to start it.  If you have to, literally get up and be like, "GUYS, let's do something.  You can sit around on your laptops in your own room, but we're here now, let's make something happen."  Play some games or do some activities that get people together away from media.  (Maybe go to some of those RUPA events together!)

Be people-oriented.  ENGAGE people.  When someone talks to you, listen intently and respond by asking questions.  Make the most out of your mealtimes with people.

• Knowledge.  If you know something, share it!  If you find something awesome, tell others about it!  Very much the reason I put together this document is to share my experience and awesome things with others.  Why keep it a secret and hold it to myself?  I hope it encourages you to do the same.

• Encourage people!  Everyone around you has their own needs, their own struggles, and their own obstacles that they’re currently in the midst of overcoming.  Give a compliment, tell someone you appreciate them, write a note on an index card, leave some candy on their desk – any of these things will go a long way in brightening someone’s day, and even more than that, it will help foster an environment where people feel the freedom to express their feelings and positive thoughts about each other.

Miscellaneous

• Get the Rutgers app for iOS.  It gives you quick access to the dining hall menus, and also to Nextbus.  Super convenient!

• Keep a book in your bag that you can pull out to read whenever you have spare time or you’re waiting for something, whether it’s the bus or your meal buddy.  By doing this, you’re being productive by filling in all those gaps of time that you would otherwise spend playing on your phone or feeling annoyed that your friend is late to lunch.

• Reply to emails.  I’m not joking.

Emails don’t have to be a long ordeal.  If the person is asking if you can attend something, don’t be a headache for them by waiting until the night before to give an answer.  If you can go, don’t wait until later so that you can “see if something better comes up” – make a choice and stick with it.  If you can’t go, reply back and say that you can’t.  If you’re genuinely not sure, reply back and say that you’re thinking about it and that you’ll get back to them by x time.  This is called being responsible.

Optional, but personally recommended

• Use Dropbox!  Install it on your computer, keep all your schoolwork in it, and when you have to print something, sign into dropbox.com in the computer lab and your file is there and ready to go!  No need for manual uploading or emailing yourself or flash drives, and your work is automatically backed up all the time as you do it, yeyy.

• Computer peripherals (for your laptop or desktop)!  If you’re going to be on your computer for many hours of your college years, typing up long papers, doing research with multiple websites and documents open, it’s nice to be comfortable and efficient with what you’re doing.  A monitor gives excellent screen real-estate and improves your posture, preventing you from needing to be hunched over your laptop and squinting to see everything.  A mouse allows you to navigate better and increase your efficiency from not needing to use trackpads, and a stand-alone keyboard gives you freedom, comfort, and ease of use when doing practically anything, from browsing the web to writing emails to chugging out long papers.

And even if you don’t feel like the above peripherals are necessary for now, consider if you’ll be using them after your college years-  if so, why not have them now for the added efficiency during your college years?

• Get a bike!  Riding a bike is exhilarating and freeing, is a good workout, and it’s nice to be able to get to anywhere on campus in fewer than five minutes.  :)

• Check out these places!

Chinese Christian Fellowship: ccf.salt@gmail.com

Rutgers Badminton Club: rubadminton@gmail.com

With all that said, there’s still much more to do and discover on campus, and I hope each of you goes on your own journey to discover the campus.

If you have any questions, comments, feedback, whatever it is, shoot me an email at prestonvchang@gmail.com – I’d love to hear from you :)

– Preston

“Study for God because, by His grace, He gave you a brain and what an honor and privilege it is to be able to think, to process information, and to study at a school where the education system is better than most kids can ever dream of. Study, because when you study, you can become fascinated with what you learn because it all points back to a Creator. The complexity of the subjects you can’t understand, the math, the sciences, the languages, the history, the arts, all of it points to a being that is so much grander and greater, a creator that is way above us, because it takes us years to grasp the simplest of concepts. Study with joy, because learning trains your mind to think, so later when you try studying the Bible, you will have a mind that can think and analyze and deduct the correct interpretation of the Bible and allow it to transform your life.”

                                                                                                                                    - Unknown

“The astonishing paradox of Christ’s teaching and of Christian experience is this: if we lose ourselves in following Christ, we actually find ourselves. True self-denial is self-discovery. To live for ourselves is insanity and suicide; to live for God and for man is wisdom and life indeed. We do not begin to find ourselves until we have become willing to lose ourselves in the service of Christ and of our fellows.”

                                                                                                                                    - John Stott

Quotes are great.  Read the Bible.

just a picture i took that i really like.  :D

song lyrics talk about summer flings and warm weather
but for me
it's the arrival of the brisk air
that reminds me
of you

bought/built my first computer!  i3-3220 with hd7850 2gb.  yay!!

point

the point family! thanks for making sundays awesome~

and the point car!
tim pai, faithfully driving us every week and pushing us to be on time
tim yu, riding shotgun and putting on "the mess i made" every chance possible
elliot liu, usually catching up on sleep from the night prior and/or dressed completely unsuited to the weather ("THE WEATHER SAID IT'S SHORTS WEATHER")
laura an, probably absentmindedly on her phone
and me, trying to spark conversation during sunday morning car rides i knew would be over all too soon
our point car, always love

i'm in love.

you know what?  i will come outright and say something that’s been on my heart and is long overdue.

i love writing.

before we get any further, let's talk about what this means.  am i passionate about writing?  am i a good writer?  do i regularly write in a journal or blog?  no, no, and no.  but does that mean i can't love writing?  i used to think the answer to this question was yes.  i would ask myself, “how can you say you love writing but not be /do any of those things above?  at best, you just like it.  you can’t claim that title for yourself, and you certainly can’t call yourself a writer.”

it makes sense that a lot of people are afraid of declaring their passion for something, because they feel like after they declare it, a certain standard is expected of them, and they’re afraid of not being able to meet that standard, whether in their own eyes or in the eyes of others.  (a topic for another day.)

for me, writing is an activity that is simultaneously freeing and constricting.

freeing because the process of writing is incredibly liberating.  it’s taking intangible thoughts in the mind and solidifying them into concrete words.  it’s the expression and presentation of ideas into a form that is understandable by the reader.  it’s a mental exercise of the utmost satisfaction.

i like to think of the writing process as looking into one’s head, seeing the countless thoughts bouncing around with limited pattern and structure, seizing them and subsequently arranging them into solid, concrete concepts that are immortalized in the language of words.  this “frees” the thoughts from the prison of the mind and releases them into reality.  it takes potential and realizes it.

constricting because writing is the means to producing a product.  it’s creating a product whose value is able to be determined by how well it achieves its purpose.  i’m thinking, if i’m to make a product, i wouldn’t want to showcase something i don’t believe is of the utmost quality and accuracy.

take blogging, for example.  in my eyes, a blog is a stage – a spotlight for one’s writing.  MY blog, MY thoughts, ME.  you read my blog, you read my thoughts, and your idea of who i am is developed through your reading of what i’ve written.  that’s why, for me, blogging is a big ordeal.  when blogging, i feel an unshakeable need to make sure each blog entry i write is accurately portraying my thoughts and getting them across to the reader as pure and authentic as they began in my mind.

i think back to my pineapplebits.blogspot.com days, when i would get an idea for an entry, and i would begin writing about it.  i’d spend hours on an entry, making sure each idea presented and word chosen and sentence formed was exactly as i wanted it to be.  i’d reread it countless times, moving words and phrases and paragraphs around, changing transitions, deciding between using a comma or two separate sentences, wondering exactly how many adjectives to use in sequence to achieve the correct effect.

the whole process of doing this felt natural, like second nature.  at times, it felt irritating, when i couldn’t phrase things the way i wanted.  above all else, though, it felt genuine and satisfying.  the satisfaction coming from searching for and finding that right word that perfectly conveys that elusive idea.  take note that i said the satisfaction comes from the searching and from the finding – an important point.  writing is not just a means to an end, but a journey on the way to a destination.  a rewarding journey, through and through.

(on a side note, this is why i found grade school’s writing process requirements difficult, because i didn’t quite have drafts-  i just constantly revised and edited as i wrote.  it’s rare for me to compose a sentence that didn’t require some touching up nearly immediately.)

i think the way i view the writing process says a lot about myself.  i believe it points to a personal feeling of mine that everything i do is inevitably evaluated and scrutinized.  it may also point to a personal belief that, in a sense, the products i create are a reflection of who i am.  this may be the source of the pressure i feel when writing certain things.

when are the times when i feel the most pressure and feel most constricted in my writing?  when the topic i’m writing about is broad, and when what i’m writing might be referenced later.  combining these two factors results in me trying to create a product that is comprehensive and will stand the test of time.  (more on this later.)

when are the times when i feel the least pressure and write most openly and unrestrictedly?  when i am prompted to answer something or when i have to present an idea.  in these cases, i have a clear direction and objective, which is to clearly and concisely communicate an idea to the reader.

i love writing emails.  when writing emails, i know someone will read it, but i know it's not something that's going to be immortalized, so there's no pressure to get everything perfect and pristine.  emails also tend to come with a clear inquiry or demand which can be satisfied with a clear response.

i love writing in chats.  in the same way, a chat is like talking to someone face to face.  during face to face conversations, one doesn’t often worry about if someone is going to dwell on a sentence fragment that was fumbled, because it passes by in the flow of a conversation.  although online chatting is different from talking in person because it has the component of being logged, the temporary feel of the conversation flow still lends itself to a relaxed and pressure-free environment.

i love answering questions.  this goes for face-to-face, too, but something about answering questions in writing is marvelous for the soul.  there have been many times when a question posed to me has caused me to articulate ideas in a way i never would have otherwise.  something about responding to a person’s inquiry has a whole different flavor than writing in a journal about the same topic.  so ask me questions :)

back to the times when i find it difficult to write, my biggest concern is the worry that something i write will be incomplete or ineffective.  what i mean is incomplete in conveying the entirety of the idea and covering its every facet and perspective.  and here lies the problem: how could i even claim to be able to create something that is finitely comprehensive when ideas themselves are infinite?  when you strip away the fancy terms, my insecurity behind writing is that i am unable to achieve the impossible.  i know it, but even knowing it does not remove the desire.

like jealousy, where the desire to own a person persists despite the fact that owning the entirety of a person’s thoughts/feelings/actions is itself an impossible task.

like perfection, where the desire to meet perfection persists despite the fact that the standard itself is an unattainable goal.

like progress, where the desire to always have more and to constantly be better exists despite the fact that success depends entirely upon circumstance, context, culture, and comparisons, all of which are arbitrary.

perhaps the best thing i can do is say that i do not and will not know everything, for that itself is a statement that will always hold true.

maybe i haven’t yet found my purpose for writing.  maybe i’m trying too hard to find one.